Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
