Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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