5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
two words...techno handjob
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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