if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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