Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk