dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.