You smell like a Billy Joel song
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.