Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
