The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
