It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
