I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
