Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
