how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
