Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
