you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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