No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize