I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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