oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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