Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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