The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
