I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
