If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
