I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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