I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
