Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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