You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
