Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
