Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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