He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
