I just made out with a guy for $7.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
