Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick