You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.