who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.