I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door