If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.