I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.