you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?