I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He passed out mid-signature
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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