I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
