I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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