I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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