fuck your aforementioned shoe
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
