Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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