i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
