ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We need to get me chipped asap
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
