Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
