im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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