Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sex in a hospital.. check
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
