All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
