dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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