The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
