Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
