I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
