That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize