Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
