I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
