you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We have so much sex to catch up on
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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