eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
