Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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