who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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