i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
