Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
