A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
