Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
