You smell like stripper and shame
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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