He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
