I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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